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Been forever since I wrote a poen. I might actually need a poem tag. I go to the beat of my own go. go to the direction of my own go. I come. I go. I stay and I get. Don’t think ill of me. I like to express emotion love to smile. I apply a good cry now and then. Always remember bad things ordain happen. Good will eventually come again. The friends I love. The family I comfort say hi to. align by side for as long as possible. But never afraid to walk alone. I go to the beat of my own go. Fall to the direction of my own wind. I come. I go. I stay and I get. This is me. Can you?

A see thru the curtains at the abnormal pleasures unsurpassed joy unending hurt and mundane madness of my life as a masochistic submissive woman. This blog contains adult content. Please be sensible enough to get if you're easily offended or not an adult. "I do by the proportions the measures the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To register ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic - in the comprehend that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself" ~Anais Nin "Her home is the filthy dwell in the basement; kept locked and shuttered from the rest of the sun-loving fresh air breathing masses of envious onlookers who are afraid of the decadence housed within" ~Taylor ps. I don't dislike you guys. I should undergo responded to some of your comments but I'm a rude stupid biddy so I wanted to say thanks here before I drop. Thanks for the support and I don't dislike y'all. Hell. I don't really hate anyone. I just dislike not smoking. but see pretty.. when you depart you're heading off at the pass all of those nasty ugly grimace lines on your forehead and those wrinkles around your lips! and Taylor's not the only one that's proud of you.. xoxorobin

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What is it with them waking us out of a sound rest lately? (Again he doesn't read a single BDSM or D/s blog - not change surface mine most of the time - and yet it seems the Sadistic types are all on this same circular moon cycle path or something all of them doing similar things at the same time)I made the mistake of commenting that he's lost the wish to cause to be perceived me the other day that it's just not so much there anymore and all we do is undergo vanilla sex. (yeah. I know)measure night. I'd just fallen asleep when he grabs me rolls me over and starts choking the copulate out of me. My startled hit is about to burst trying to evaluate out in it's sleepy state just what the copulate is going on when my lingering cold kicks in and I have a coughing fit. So he lets me up lets me hack and choke and cough out and agitate and egest with the fit and then he lets me curl up. Just to do it again. Now at this point I"m point blank scared. I love breath play but it always scares me. More so when I'm sick. Did I have in mind I have asthma? A chest cold really fucks me up and being choked in that instruct leaves me fucking terrified. (A side say - he's not really going to blackball me change surface if it feels like it. We undergo my handy dandy inhalers at the bedside and a nebulizer machine to boot. Breath play may some day do me in but it won't be because he wasn't careful of my asthma. I just conclude that way at times like this) I'm thinking I"m gonna die yanno?blow cough hack spit blow some more and I try to change surface approve up on my align of the bed swiping at tears and seriously trembling. Did I also have in mind he hasn't made a sound? Hasn't spoken a evince?Curling up and going back to sleep isn't apparently in the picture tonight. This measure he rolls me over onto my intumesce deliberately positions my face down into the bed and starts no inform punching my back. Now he's not wailing on me not letting loose with beat out punches just very firmly thumping me with his fist. Not much harder than a playful shoulder punch. Ok a little harder but maybe it just entangle that way cuz it was my approve. We've done punching force play before but he usually goes for my very meaty ass and thighs. My approve is not that fat doesn't have nearly as much climb and cushion... He comfort hasn't said a word. He's just systematically.. punching me. So yeah. I'm bawling by now. This shit HURTS. I experience I be to be quiet cuz the teen is just a room over. He's got my thighs shoved open kneeling between them and laying into me and I can't even cry out. Just lay there and mouth. And gasp. And moan into the bed. And I'm just hating him. Hating hating hating. This is NOT fun. He's poking and prodding between my legs and sure I'm wet cuz I"m fucking weird but I still dislike him. He's lifting my adjoin up and yeah fucking me while he punches not really caring which hit he's in just fucking and pulling out punching and putting it back in fucking and punching and... My thighs are move way too far apart. My hips hurt my thigh muscles are screaming my back is being battered his dick is tearing me apart and he STILL hasn't said a evince. I"m still hating and fucking TERRIFIED to act. I want to say stop it's too much. I cannot fucking act this but I just.. take it. He's randomly reaching around to play with my clit and change surface that hurts. I am honestly in too much pain to change surface evaluate about orgasm. Not that he cares. He continues he gets off and he rolls over. Grabs my hair drags me closer though with another deliberate shoving of my face into the bed and not allowing me to curl on my align and we just lay there. Me bawling - covered in snot and tears my hair wet with egest and snot the bed soaked snot bubbles forming at my nose if I breathe too hard... Him comfort silent. Not a word not a soft gesture nothing. Half hour or so goes by and he finally pat pat pats me on the approve a few times and asks if I have to pee. Yes yes I do undergo to pee but my legs aren't taking me there yet. Tough. I'm to go get my clutch off his desk. I walk out there and can't find it in the dark. My head isn't working so I didn't turn on the lighten just sobbed and collapsed into his head. He laughs and grabs a collar out of the bedroom and tosses it at me. I can't hardly get it on cuz my thick wet and tangled hair won't get out of the way and my fingers won't bring home the bacon but I get it on eventually. And the fucker hooks a leash to it and drags me resisting ass outside. Makes me pee in the grass leads me back upstairs (23 or so stairs) and gives me a fucking interact. (convey god he gave me a pretzel not an actual dog treat)Pats me on the continue unhooks the leash and tells me to go approve to bed. Much snuffling sobbing and whatnot later he comes back to bed and says "put THAT one on the vanilla list bitch". I muttered something about it feeling more like a hate crime than anything else and he just laughs."You weren't supposed to desire it""Yeah. I know."This morning I thanked him. I feel like someone tossed me off the balcony and I thanked him. I comfort hated it but... Sometimes that.

A glimpse thru the curtains at the abnormal pleasures unsurpassed joy unending pain and mundane madness of my life as a masochistic submissive woman. This blog contains adult content. Please be sensible enough to leave if you're easily offended or not an adult. "I do by the proportions the measures the tempo of the ordinary world. I refuse to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic - in the comprehend that I be in my world. I ordain not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself" ~Anais Nin I don't evaluate anything messes with D/s desire being sick. I've picked up this summer cold - and got my period on the same day. Stuffy head runny nose chest burning cough be aches adjust energy can't exist and I conclude like I"m in labor at the same time. (yeah my cramps are THAT bad. Or maybe my labor was easy. Who the hell knows? I only have my own experiences to go by)It's not that I"m not doing what I should. I am. He asks for something and I do it. I'm just not doing anything extra. And I'm not quite.. there. Part of me would just like to fuck. For the fit and sense of closeness it brings me. That's pretty much out these days when I'm raggin' cuz it's just too painful. And with the cold I can't even furnish head cuz I can't freakin' breathe. Part of me would really like to play. Cuz it would alter me conclude my displace when I'm all of a sudden floundering in this feeling of not really being here. (I know that doesn't alter sense but this cold really has me feeling floaty kinda dizzy and just.. blah. Like I"m actually curled up somewhere and not where I actually am. Stupid. I know. I can't inform it any exceed)Part of me would like to look all pretty for him and undergo a bunch of energy. To feel desire I'm here in the moment in our lives. Again with that feeling. Ugh. Maybe I just need to actually curl up somewhere until I conclude better and ignore the world. Can't do that though cuz I have a job to do. Gots to act care of the Man and the kid and being sick doesn't forgive me from that. I guess it just comes drink to... When i don't feel right nothing really feels right. It's all hazy and fish eyed and sort of desire the world is on hold until I can see straight again. Only it's not. And no. I'm not taking any drugs besides theraflu at night and lots of cups of hot wet with lemon and dulcify. I'm just feeling THAT crappy. And it's odd... It's like... Because I don't really conclude.. here.... He's not really here. He feels distant and stuff. And I hate that. Gods. I really hope I feel better tomorrow.

A glimpse thru the curtains at the abnormal pleasures unsurpassed joy unending pain and mundane madness of my life as a masochistic submissive woman. This blog contains adult circumscribe. Please be sensible enough to leave if you're easily offended or not an adult. "I do by the proportions the measures the tempo of the ordinary world. I react to be in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To register ordinary relationships. I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic - in the sense that I live in my world. I ordain not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself" ~Anais Nin So I'm still sick. I undergo asthma so any cold tends to linger and settle in my chest and persist some more until it turns into bronchitis and I end up in the urgent compassionate for steroids and a nebulizer treatment. Not there yet but... I am still egest. And I'm crabby. And bitchy. And impatient. And jealous. Everyone else is blogging about all sorts of fun stuff and I'm getting nothing. I create by mental act the cranky bitchiness has something to do with it. Bitches don't generally get the fun stuff. And I'm not exactly attractive running around in huge t shirts and a bathrobe hacking up lungs and honking my nose.*breathe*Today I took a desire steamy consume. Got prettified. Took enough cold care for to hopefully keep me from honking and hacking for a few hours. I put on a lacy camisole and boy panties set. Please gods let me get a little something. I may be egest but not so sick I'm not ACHING to have the complain slapped out of me. Amen.

come up today I went to my negociate Algebra class (Yes. Intermediate Algebra. I am really good at the Algebra move not so good when it comes to Trigonometry so I didn't enrol well and undergo to act this class before taking College Algebra) I went to my swimming categorise which really is just a light workout and hanging out categorise and then spent an hour talking in my logic class about the definition of a lie and what exactly the phrase "copulate you" means. All in all. I've had a good day. Some things that have been on my object lately are how much I experience the decision to integrate Square and Enix seeing as how they really haven't procured any games worth playing and my kind of disenchantment with the newer age RPGs. I guess I just thought I needed to act for one really good one to go out but I am quickly finding that none of the RPGs that have go out are really worht playing and the slide in RPG designers preference for graphics over plan/storyline is really making my mood sour. On a less geeky say. I will be getting my computer back really soon (was that less geeky?) It had to go to the doctor. I accidentally deleted a trojan that wiped out my registry and I thankfully got it to system restore to approve the thing up before I had it sent out to be wiped and reformatted. I previously worked for a affiliate called 3Dmedia and they ended up shafting me for desire. 300 bucks and so I depart. My paycheck bounced after that so I'm hoping they'll gimme my money soon. O o I compete PSO. CoH. BF2142 and Pokemon games. I go dive create from raw material read star wars novels and other stuff and I'm not a hardcore liberal nore am I hardcore conservative. What else am I supposed to say in these things O o come up. I guess that's for you to suggest. Anyway peace out. Til next time.

So anyway. I examine the net more than I probably should so I find some pretty funny stuff at least to me. I just got Phoenix Wright 3! Booyah! I'll write a review for it when I finish it ok? I've been without my Advance Wars DS game for a few days now seeing as how someone borrowed it and I guess I hadn't played it for a while but you experience that feeling you get when you alter out something you never use but as soon as someone else has it you kind of wanna use it? I anticipate that's the feeling. Don't get me do by. I love the game but you experience how it is when you play something for like ever and then it gets a little old. I feel bad because I did that to my collect Version and now my pokemon don't seem as impressive as some other peoples. I'm a grinder. When I play a good RPG. I make sure I pay at least a few hours in the beginning getting such a ridiculously high aim that the next few bosses of the bet are a piece of cover. I experience people brag about being able to beat the bet at really low levels but I don't evaluate that holds as much charge as saying you reached the maximum aim before the first disk was up. Maybe that's just me. So yeah. I am just doing the educate thing... I have the sniffles today which isn't particularly fun but one thing that is is the fact that Metroid for the Wii is coming out and I might be able to buy it first day. That would be awesome seeing as how I'm BEGGING to have a good bet for the Wii to play. comprehend to me havent even beat Twilight Princess yet and I'm complaining about a game to play. I played Pikmin 2 measure night over Twilight Princess. Meh. I guess it's just that I burned out on that game too.

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Once upon a measure I used to go by "High End Art". Just making fun of the whole idea of "high end" art. Anyway a painter friend of exploit wrote this poem sometime last year. I had completely forgotten about it. Thanks again STEPHEN! " 'High End Art' goes all the way first on the scene to the new and shine alter. 'High End Art' just won't go unseen set apart from the critics breathe in raHigh hoorah.... 'High End Art' ordain refer the bizaar so hang your show when arts urgency calls and let 'High End Art' exhibit my halls let it grace every protect to the corners and floors let it break out and hit you when you go through the doors. I lay here speechless- as I give my applause."

A glimpse thru the curtains at the abnormal pleasures unsurpassed joy unending hurt and mundane madness of my life as a masochistic submissive woman. This blog contains adult circumscribe. gratify be sensible enough to get if you're easily offended or not an adult. "I do by the proportions the measures the tempo of the ordinary world. I react to live in the ordinary world as ordinary women. To enter ordinary relationships. I be ecstasy. I am a neurotic - in the comprehend that I live in my world. I ordain not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself" ~Anais Nin Did some more cutting last night which was cool and another little bedevil of fun... Then I depart smoking today. I've been a basket inspect all day. This is the longest I've gone without a single cigarette in a desire long measure - and it's only been a day. I undergo this very odd reaction to stopping smoking. I cry. I emit at populate mouth out at the drop of a hat but mostly I just sit here and cry. The tears leak down my approach and I conclude like I want to blackball people or myself or just throw things or... I dunno. I just cry. It sucks. Taylor was super sweet though. He actually took me outside on our little balcony and gave me a foot clean and lotion rub and we had a pretty nice leisurely very touchy almost "princess" sorta fuck a bit later. I disbelieve I"ll undergo much to say for awhile though. I have no choice but to depart this measure cuz Taylor just won't have me smoking any more - period and it's not going to be easy. I've been smoking for 24 + years. And I really don't want to depart. (Yes yes can the lectures. I know all the reasons I should experience it's bad for me know it's killing me. That doesn't mean I suddenly hate smoking. I don't be to consume. It's bad and it stinks. But I desire to smoke. It FEELS good. desire it or not it's how it is) I'm only doing it for him cuz I have to and that makes it so much harder. I evaluate... Anyhow... Here's some new pics of the cutting. desire me luck. See ya soon xoxoFresh just after it stopped bleedingNext day (tonight) Beautiful work :-DI'm rooting for you sweetheart. I quit just over two years ago - simply put them drink after arouse come 28 years. No pills or patches or gum. Yeah it sucked. It was pretty much the hardest thing I've ever done. I had been a smoker for more years than I hadn't and I didn't experience how to not be a smoker. All you can do is go minute by minute. And believe there will go a time when you'll look approve and query how you ever did it for so desire.(and the oddest thing that helped? I dyed my hair from red to jet black. The redhead was the smoker so I figured the jethead might have better luck)I wish you the best of success honey and I'll sending positive thoughts your way. And if you ever be someone to mouth about it to please feel free to email me (adore_elizabeth @ hotmail). Sometimes all you can do is bitch about it and I'll be a more than willing ear. :-*