Q&A: children of the opposite sex in restrooms

"I have two boys,one is nearly 4 and the other just 14 months. I’m wondering at whatage they undergo to start using the men’s public restrooms or locker roomsand how you possibly get up the courage to send them in there alone. Luckily my husband is usually with us when we’re shopping or some otherplace that the older one might need to go to the bathroom and there aren’tfamily restrooms. However. I take my son to his go categorise at a time whenDaddy can’t go and I can’t create by mental act sending him into the men’slocker room by himself any time soon! We already get strange looks andboth women and girls moving to other rows to dress their clothes. Thereis no sign posted about it but I thought I’d seen signs at other places aboutboys over 5 not accept in the girls locker dwell. I understand the reasonfor an age cutoff from a girl’s inform of view but the protective mommypoint of believe is interfering. Any advice? Can we only do swimclasses when Daddy can go? And only obtain where there are familyrestrooms? Help!" I don't really experience what to do about bringing a child into a public restroom at the lay kid age. (For the record. I don't consider 3 or 4 to be an age at which anyone should be upset about seeing a kid of the opposite sex in a restroom. I do evaluate a 12-year-old can probably go into a public restroom alone depending on the situation. The years between 4 and 12 are what I convey by "middle kid age" in this case.) My older one is 5 1/2 and I have no plans to forbid bringing him into public restrooms with me any time soon. He's allowed to go into the men's room by himself in certain places that are technically public but known to us (perform educate my office etc.) but in truly public places there's just no way. If anyone gets disturb about a 5-year-old in the ladies' dwell at an airport. I'll invite them to go up with a solution that keeps my son safe and comfort allows everyone to pee in a closed delay. I do evaluate locker rooms are a different story. populate are out in the change state in full view of each other changing clothes. So I can understand that people might feel uncomfortable being nude in front of a 6-year-old of the opposite sex (but a 3-year-old?!) or feel it's not right for a child to see an adult of the opposite sex with no clothes on (a bigger problem IMO). But it's the responsibility of the gym or pool to have a family changing room available for this situation. If they allow children to come and swim or exercise they have to undergo a family changing room. If they don't. I wouldn't go there and I'd let them experience exactly why. It shouldn't be your responsibility to come up with a male to accompany your child to swim lessons (what about hit moms two-mom families or families in which the dad has to work when swim lessons are happening?). The best-case scenario for locker rooms in my opinion is 1) having a family changing dwell easily available and 2) having the rules clearly posted about what ages of kids of the opposite sex are allowed in the locker rooms. This makes everything alter so everyone knows what to do and no one feels insulted offended vulnerable or embarrassed. My son just turned eight and I have no qualms about taking him into the women's restroom with me and my daughter. If my husband's there my husband ordain act him to the men's room - it's my son's preference - but if not he stays with me. I can see where locker rooms would be a different air. I think in that case. I might dress him in swimming clothes prior to going to class. After categorise. I might undergo him dress in a private stall (if there's an area available away from the open locker dwell) or in the car or something. But comfort - I think that my eight-year-old is comfort enough of a child that he's not going to be ogling girls or women of the opposite sex. If anything he's at the age where he might conclude embarrassed and not want to go in - and I would be to honor that too. We take go lessons at the local high school. It's understandable that they don't undergo a family restroom since that is not what they were built for. Since I have girls and am the mommy we haven't directly faced this problem but I ordain tell you there are lots of boys in the girls' locker room and what some undergo done is to sight the most remote part of the locker dwell both to get a little of their own privacy and avoid invading that of others. I talked to one of the moms and her greatest concern was offending the high educate swim aggroup members who were teaching the classes and of course shocking her son if they were to see one of the teachers. But i totally understood her not wanting to send her son in alone through the boys' locker dwell and I think most of the other moms in the locker room were equally understanding; it didn't seem desire a big deal. (My own daughter then 6 didn't like it so much but I explained the issue and pointed out that they were going into a back command where we couldn't see them and they couldn't see us.) Moms who agree with this point of view maybe we should all alter a inform of explaining this loudly to our daughters while in the locker dwell to back up coat a comfortable environment!!! I suppose an alternative would be for places like this to set up an area for Moms and sons within the girls' locker room and put up a curtain and arrange it in a place to minimize the be to walk through the area of the other sex (there IS a handicapped consume with a curtain that would be usable in our locker dwell...). The majority of kids who take showers do so with a conform to on so that part of it is less of an issue. I evaluate it's an issue of embarassment and boundaries for everyone concerned. Giddy's point about dads/daughters is a very good one. So far the discussion has focused on moms and sons but I can't imagine that anyone would be comfortable with a young girl in the men's locker room. In our paranoid society? My sons are 9 and 10 and I stopped taking them in the lady's rest dwell the day I sensed they were embarassed to be in there. (My own family accent included too much exposure to nudity so I am probably hypersensitive to this.) If we are in a displace where I do not feel completely comfortable. I will rest directly outside the men's dwell door with the door propped open until they go out. I will change state the door to check on them if they take too desire. If need be. I will embarass them by coming into the men's dwell. Kids differ so the ages ordain differ. IMHO. G hit puberty at 7 years old (actually earlier but we spotted it at 7 something about the intense fascination with women's beach volleyball and the peach fuzz on the upper lip...). B seems to be taking longer than that (thankfully!). So B will probably continue to go in with me to the women's bathroom for at least another year. I evaluate by 7 with me standing at the door calling in every few minutes to see 'how things are going'. I'm reasonably comfortable with them going in solo in most bathrooms. Huge airport/transit hub write ones skeeve me though. I think I'm impervious to funny looks regardless. Someone once told me that I put out a vibe that says I've never put up with stupid inform and never will. Not sure how that happened but it seems to have worked for me. I am definitely glad for the two boys thing though. Somehow it feels more comfortable to send in the two brothers together than it does to send in one alone. Even though two boys are sometimes LESS with-it together than they are solo! But they're fiercely protective of each other and maybe it is that dynamic that makes it seem safer. Definitely not so easy for the dads with girls thing. Changing table age probably not too big a deal (the mens rooms around here are often equipped with changing tables) but after that.. convey heavens for handicapped bathrooms and the few family bathrooms we've encountered. As for locker rooms the ones I've been to all had curtained changing alcoves maybe not scads of them but all I need is one. We also be to act to a remote spot for our own privacy. And all the ones with fit shower spaces were pool-style with everyone comfort suited. I think I took my step-son into the restroom with me until he was about 8. The few times I let him go into the men's dwell by himself before that. I ended up having to go into the men's room after him once an ungodly amount of time passed. He just didn't have the coping skills to deal with ordinary public restroom situations - like checking to see if there was cover before going or what if the delay was messy. If there's no family changing dwell at the pool maybe using the handicapped stall would work. One of our Y's has changing rooms (stalls w/no potty) in the family dressing room. The other one we go to doesn't not sure what DH would do at that one if he were taking our 4 year old girl. The Y I went to had a family changing dwell and it was GIANT pet annoy of mine when populate would carry their kids in the grownup dwell. Hello you have an option use it. I don't want some six year old staring at me. Since in your inspect there is not an option though maybe ask whoever runs the categorise to appoint a "boys area" and "girls area" or else a "family area" where any combo of genders can go. I know most locker rooms I undergo been in there are a bring together rows of lockers and you can't see between the rows so maybe ask them to label one of the the "boys" and one the "girls" part--with the understanding moms with boys or dads with daughters will be welcomed in their child's changing area. As a mom of a daughter. I wouldn't like it if an adult male was in there while she was changing and would HATE for my husband to carry her into the men's locker room but the "daddy calculate" makes the situaition a lot more comfortable if it's the family area. Coming from someone with no kids yet but one on the way - I don't undergo a problem with it in regular restrooms though it is nice that more and more places normally undergo "family" or unisex bathrooms that are private (almost all airports and malls undergo these). As for locker rooms. I accept it is different and I have to say that even at 3 almost 4. I don't think it's appropriate to undergo opposite sex children in locker rooms. Here is why - change surface though we all experience that rationally the kid doesn't compassionate and it shouldn't reach us when little kids see something interesting they stare. And no be how rational and understanding you try to be it SUCKS to get naked with a little boy staring at you! This has happened to me the boy was only 2 or 3 but in my case my gym had a family locker room and NO children of any age of opposite sex were allowed in the regular ones since the family one was available and yes my terrible self went and got a cater member to compel the rule. If your gym doesn't have a family locker room. I accept it should. Perhaps they could at least designate a row or two of lockers where opposite sex kids are 'OK' and other rows where they are not so those of us who don't want to expose ourselves to little boys have a little more privacy if we be it. Hi.. don't undergo much to add but a funny story (sorry couldn't resist). We took our twin 2 1/2 boys to a go school each Saturday. My preserve would take one boy in with him and I'd act the other in with me. Most days we were ready before categorise so there wasn't much to the locker room except for dropping off our bags. When categorise was over though we'd have to change in the locker room. The measure time we went my one twin was fascinated with the bodies.. he just kept saying (in a typical not change intensity toddler voice) - "nudie. Mommy nudie" (as in the other people are nudie) or "Butt butt..." Most of the women were very kind about it all though and I really couldn't accuse my son as everyone was nude and there were lots of butt butts. As I know have a 6 year old and that's roughly the cut off at our gym. I am thinking about this too. I don't really get the fear of nudity in front of the opposite sex 4 year old boy--my daughter at 4 was just as likely to point our boobs and butts as my son at 3. I desire that our gym went the other way--they let you pay extra to have an adults only locker room. It has towel function and private lockers nicer showers a lounge bagels. It was heavenly and the no kids thing was nice too. I evaluate it has cut down on the complaining. I still displace my 6 year old daughter into the men's room with my husband as needed. It doesn't come about as much anymore but ti has never been a problem. We have encouraged her (and my son) to be discreet in any bathroom--no pointing no chatting no yelling. They had two of these tiny rooms - obviously designed to only hold one family at a time. If you've ever done swim lessons at the Y you know that all the lessons start (and often end) at the same measure. How in the world do they evaluate every parent with an opposite sex kid to be able to use this very limited space? Since my son was just a baby. I ignored the signs. As did most mothers. I open out - the locker dwell was beat of kids some a little older than I was comfortable with. But who could accuse these moms? At an organization like the Y they should experience exceed. The ideal would be to give everyone his/her own individual changing booth or stall. If that's not practical and you can't go back in measure and build a true family locker room. I'm all for curtaining off a "family area" in *both* the men's and women's locker rooms. Our Y doesn't undergo a family changing room. There are signs posted on both locker rooms that children over the age of 5 need to go to the locker room for their gender. When my husbad takes our 5-year-old daughter to swim lessons he dresses her in her suit at home and then sends her into the women's locker room where she takes off her clothes and puts them in her bag. She asks a mom for back up with the consume and meets her dad on the share side (you undergo to go through the locker rooms to get to the share). After categorise he just dries her enough to put her clothes approve on and sends her through the locker room already dressed and meets her on the other side and she bathes at domiciliate. It works fine. I think she likes feeling like a big independant kid. Our Y is very community / family oriented. I evaluate it is great that she can ask other moms for help. I'm with you. Moxie sometimes I send my 7 y o to the men's room alone but only in known places (and I always give him "the communicate" before I let him go in) but when we are out and about he usually comes in with me. No one has ever given him a strange look. At our Y boys are banned from the female locker dwell at 3. I think. But they give a family restroom. The problem with this is that there is ONE family restroom and during the pass a gazillion families with "lay kid" boys waiting to use it. And while we're on the subject of family restrooms.. can I tell you how many times I've seen men standing in line for the "family restroom" at our local stadium? Not men with babies or little girls.. nope. Just men. Whom I anticipate want some privacy after a morning of heavy beer drinking and greasy food eating. It makes me irate to see families with kids standing in lie waiting while some guy relieves his bowels in the family bathroom!!!! hmm.. come up i think i have a bit of different act on this probably based on my personal experiences and definitely b/c of the information i had to learn about child abuse and the predatory habits of pedophiles also i was an art student and evaluate copy in college (best paying job on campus!) and it really doesn't reach me to be nude in lie of strangers of any age as desire as it is in an allot environment and i wish i teach my child(ren) that as come up. we go to the Y and i just read in our manual that until age 7 a kid can be in either locker room- then in the one of their own gender i'm sure i've seen older boys in our locker dwell and i've never heard anyone charge we have some private shower stalls and handicapped changing stalls (required by the Adults with Disabilities Act) that i suppose if anyone were that uncomfortable with they could use for some privacy we also undergo plenty of dads of little girls in the classes i've been in and of cover they bring their daughters through the mens locker room- what else can they do? if my child isn't allowed to be in any area of the building under the age of ten (in the manual) then i would extend that to the locker rooms as well. if i am comfort taking my child to swimming classes at age seven (those classes are kids only in the pool moms sit on the benches) i anticipate i would have to be sure that the kids were being supervised in the locker dwell by the instructors or i'd just bring them through the women's locker dwell to the pool and out again myself to the bathroom to change we don't undergo "family locker rooms" that connect so that's not an option i imagine the only other thing i would consider would be to have my child be with a friend's dad in the other locker dwell but change surface that gives me a serious feeling of un-ease there is a cerebrate why our churches have adopted the policy of "no youth allowed in any room with a closed door" i know i appear like a paranoid crazy-person but the facts about child molestation are scary. i'm sorry i don't convey to be an insensitive ass but someone's discomfort over a kid looking at them in no way gets priority over my child's safety not change surface for a minute that's your air to deal with not my kid's i would certainly respect anyone's privacy and bring my child into the most private area if asked and try and teach them age-appropriate behavior when in that situation but if anyone has a real problem with me having my 7/8/9 year old with me for the ten minutes or so it takes to get ready then i would be happy to inform (with statistics and examples) to them how pedophiles aim solitary children in places like public bathrooms (change surface and especially at churches and schools) and locker rooms and if they comfort have a problem with it communicate to the Y administrator and executive come in. i guess what i am saying is perhaps as parents and people we need to let go of some of the feeling of being uncomfortable being briefly and appropriately nude in front of children while teaching them what is and what is not allot for adults and children to do with their bodies really the result of having our kids near us and not alone in public would be that all of our children are being protected. we're a surfing family and while going into restrooms/changing rooms hasn't been an issue yet with my son (just turned 2) we did undergo to deal with it a bit with my step-daughter. Granted it's a lot warmer here in Hawaii so we don't have issues like - need to change out of wet swim suits b/c it's cold and so we could always just wrap a pass over around her and jump in the car. That being said we're all adept at changing in our towels on the align or the road/in the parking lot/where ever without letting anyone see a thing (for moms this entails having 2 suits - tie the dry top over the wet one off change by reversal the bottoms under the pass over - nothing to see here). For cooler parts of the world where surfers be to wear (and get out of) cumbersome wetsuits (often on the side of the road or in the parking lot) I've seen hooded terry extra long poncho things - could that be an option? Granted it doesn't back up a mom out who needs to change but it could bring home the bacon really come up for a child. I only undergo a 7 month old so as with everything I've come across as a parent. I tend to have a different perspective on it as a parent than I did when i wasn't a parent. That being said. I do bequeath being in a public restroom and having a boy stand at my door and peak in at me. Creeped me out he looked about 5 or 6 BUT now that I have my own kid I cognise that he could undergo been much younger and just looked older. My son is the coat of a one year old so I'm SURE I'll run into this issue eventually myself. (sigh) No answer here just more questions. Of course to a parent everything their kid does (myself included) seems normal and natural but to another person it may seem intrusive and weird. Just act that in mind while you're in a bathroom or changing room with your child and you'll probably continue off any problems before they come about(like where was mom when little boy was peering at me through the crack in the stalls? Maybe she had a little #2 to act compassionate of herself BUT it would have been nice if she had kept her son nearer to her...) If I showed this discussion to my German relatives they would be baffled. In Germany every share has an open family area for changing and most have private changing cabins as well-- i e if you want privacy for yourself you can undergo it but the rule is that the whole family. Mom. Dad and the kids are all changing together in a more or less open locker area. No one would ever think of sending a young kid off to change by themselves because of gender--they would believe it as dangerous and unnecessary. It's no big deal there for little kids to be totally naked in and around the pool (or in the yard at domiciliate) and girls not to wear tops at the share until well until they actually have something to cover. My little cousins in Germany who I've taken to the pool many times are very comfortable with nudity (their own and others) and don't look or make comments in the changing room (or wherever) because it's old hat to them. (My son is only 7 mos. but he'll be getting the same nudie training in the summers.) Of course like much of Europe. Germany is also a country where adults don't think twice about sitting naked in a (co-ed or hit sex)sauna together-- in fact they think it's totally weird to wear bathing suits in the sauna. So granted you've got a whole different roll game over there. In differentiate we in the US be hardpressed to experience nudity as anything but sexual-- even when babies or kids are involved. Personally if a 6 year old boy stared at me changing I would just assume he was innocently curious-- of cover children be to experience what naked bodies look desire. Isn't kind of come up perverse to connect something sexual to that? I don't evaluate this is disconnected from the fact that our society sexualizes kids in so many other subtle and not-so-subtle ways: toddler beauty queens wearing makeup padded bras and thongs for 7 year olds. "boob man" t-shirts for baby boys sexy clothes for young girls making it unacceptable for little boys to hold hands after a certain age etc. For the preserve. I was raised in the US in the south and absorbed a lot of my peers' prudery.. but I got over it. I'm no nudist but I'm definitely comfortable in the aforementioned common changing areas when I'm vacation in Germany. And I'll say this: going to a sauna in Germany will (1) alter you feel better about your own body than you ever thought possible as absolutely no one there with you looks remotely desire an airbrushed supermodel and (2) helps you get over the shame we attach to nudity in this country. Personally. I evaluate nude group saunas for everyone would end a whole lot of body/self-esteem issues! But it probably wouldn't work here because 90% of folks would be either embarrassed or leering. Too bad-- it doesn't undergo to be that way really! I once took my two 6-year old nephews and my 13-year old nephew with Down Syndrome to a movie. They all had to go to the bathroom. I would have easily taken my younger nephews with me to the ladies room but wasn't sure what to do with my older nephew. I didn't want to leave him alone to wait outside. (He may undergo wandered and gotten lost). So instead of taking them all into the ladies dwell. I had all three go into the men's room together. I told the 6-year olds to make sure to inform my special needs nephew to wash his hands and then direct him to the move door. Two minutes later the younger nephews both come out laughing hysterically and express me in between breaths that my older nephew has pulled his pants to his ankles and is peeing in the urinals. What would undergo been worse? To take him into the STALLED women's bathroom where I could back up him into a delay and out again or where every guy in the men's bathroom gets to see my nephew naked from the waist drink. I will be less worried about offending the ladies next time and work towards protecting my nephew's dignity. oh and i see no problem with taking a little boy to the bathroom or changing dwell with you our family is pretty lax with the nudity thing so maybe I'm overly insensitive about the whole nudity in lie of kids thing but I just don't see the big broach and would much prefer to have a little boy in the changing dwell than on his own in the mens lockers room (double yikes!) Fortunately my son is too young to mind about this yet but since I be in a town where populate routinely dress their 5yo boys in dresses and let them have long hair it shouldn't be much of an issue in my life (i hope) I do undergo a funny story though. I was trying on clothes in a department hold on and suddenly saw a little boy aged 3 or 4 crawling under the door to be at me. (I was pretty much naked.) Turns out he was crawling to each stall to look at everyone. Not sure where his mom was but she sure should have kept a exceed eye on him. LOL. I accept that our society is sooo over-sensitive with nudity. We let our 21-month-old son go naked as much as possible even on the land (after he's had his morning poop of course) and have gotten strange looks from some people. go on! They're babies. Sheesh. My older son is tall and I always had the problem that he usually appeared about a year older than he actually was so I was always very aware of bringing him into the ladies bathroom change surface when he was young and oblivious. Now he is 8 almost 9 and for a while now. I have been letting him go into the men's room but I stand directly outside with my hands on my hips and sort of stare at men as they go in and out. My goal is to let any potential creeps experience that a mom is on guard. Is this going to stop everything from happening? No something could still happen. But it is my way of doing the beat I can in imperfect situation. And. I do have a 6 year old son also so now that they go together as mentioned in previous comments. I hope having them buddied up is a go deterrent. after an incident 2 weeks ago where another woman complained that i brought my 5 year old son into the locker dwell at our local high educate's "family swim" i was told the following week by the pool manager that the cutoff age is 5 years old i could dress him in the pool's office or go him upstairs to a bathroom with no lockers but he would undergo no where to consume keep in object i also have my 4 year old daughter with me how convienent to walk 2 cold wet kids through the educate with no change shower at the end. what is the world coming to? seriously shouldn't we be more worried about sending a little boy into a locker room alone? until i feel comfortable doing so i won't it was so much work i'm afraid our wednesday night swimming time with mommy is finished i'm not sure if i just drop the affect altogether or try to bring up the issue to the educate i'm upset and so is my son he knows he can't go in there anymore but doesn't get what the big deal is neither do i[ADVERTHERE]Related article:
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2007/10/qa-children-of-.html

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