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Beyond heat and pleasure to joy and light: the third post on ...

Another common way people talk about sex especially in the past decade is in terms of heat: She’s hot he’s a hottie; we had hot sex. In the world of hot it’s natural to focus on friction which is what produces heat. Sex becomes bump-and-grind,; the friction produces the heat and the heat makes the sex good. But we should take note of a phrase commonly used to describe an argument that is intense but which doesn’t really advance our understanding; we say that such an engagement produces “more heat than light.”… So what if our sexual activity — our embodied connections –could be less about heat and more about light? What if instead of desperately seeking hot sex we searched for a way to produce light when we touch? What if such touch were about finding a way to create light between people so that we could see ourselves and each other better? If the goal is knowing ourselves and each other like that then what we need is not really heat but light to illuminate the path. I read that and leaped to my feet crying “Yes!” At its best. I am convinced sex not only brings pleasure but helps to transform the people who are participating in it. I am a better teacher better friend and better mentor because of the light that my wife and I reveal when we have sex with each other. After three divorces and countless short-term relationships. I understand what Jensen is talking about here because my wife and I are living it out. Make no mistake. I don’t think marriage is the only arena in which this kind of light can be created. But a relationship in which one or both parties is expending sexual energy on pornography and fantasy is one in which there is very little chance of light indeed. Jensen is smart enough to know that this high-falutin’ talk doesn’t always translate into the real world easily: This talk about mystery and light is all well and good… but in the real world it’s not so easy to keep sex in such a lofty position. People in long-term relationships may have kids jobs and other stress in their lives that may lead their sex lives to become routine and unsatisfying for one or both partners. In such a situation why not use an outside stimulus such as pornography to jump-start the sexual aspect of the relationship? I loathe the phrase “jump-start”. I am not a car and neither is my wife and my libido is not a battery to be charged. Anyhow. Jensen’s answer is counter-intuitive but spot on: When sex becomes boring when a couple even stops having sex why must we assume that the goal is to immediately resume sexual activity? If the goal is intimacy sex is not the only route to that. If for some reason the sexual path to that connection is no longer open in the way a couple has known it in the past would not a period of trying to understand that change be appropriate? When one doesn’t rush to reestabish sexual activity other ways of knowing another person and oneself have time to emerge. Word brother Robert word. One of the many lies pornography tells is that if we aren’t feeling sexual something is wrong; low desire is medicalized and becomes a problem to be treated. Rather than asking someone the question “Why don’t you feel like having sex?” why not ask far better and more interesting questions: “Why should we have sex? What is its purpose its meaning? Why should I be expected to want it?” And the answer to these questions has to be better than “But it’s natural” or “We’re in love so we’re supposed to.” By suggesting that we need to go beyond pleasure. I am not suggesting that feeling good is a bad thing that the pleasures of our physical bodies are suspect. Indeed feeling alive in one’s body requires the ability to feel those pleasures. But “pleasure” in the sense of purely physical sensations does not meet our needs in the same sense as does the experience of “joy” in the sense of a deeper experience of the mystery of sex. I’ve written before that “mutual pleasure” is by itself an inadequate standard to use in judging the “rightness” of sex. I wrote: “One of the most common misconceptions about the sexual abuse of children and adolescents is that only the adult abusers experience sexual pleasure. We assume often wrongly that female victims of sexual molestation never experience arousal or orgasm as a result of their abuse. Certainly many perhaps even most young women who are molested — particularly those who are forced into intercourse — find the experience painful and completely unpleasurable. But the literature suggests that a certain number were excited by their abusers. Indeed. I’ve been told by my friends who work in this field that this often makes things worse: a child who experiences some degree of pleasure at the hands of his or her abuser may be all the more likely to blame themselves for what happened. Those who experience excitement as a result of their abuse may be particularly likely to re-enact abusive situations when they become sexually active as adults. For too many of us pleasure and orgasm seem inconsistent with sexual violation. But to assume that pleasure and orgasm are always acts of volition is to defy practically everything we know about adolescent development sexuality and power.” There’s a lesson here about pornography too. When we masturbate to orgasm while watching pornography we experience pleasure. It would be an odd orgasm indeed that didn’t feel good! But it’s very unlikely that we feel joy or connectedness as a consequence of using pornography. We may feel guilt we may feel shame or we may simply feel cheerful relief. Guilt is useful shame is useless and cheerful relief is well just that. But pleasure as lovely as it is isn’t all we are called to have in our lives. What’s missing is joy which can of course accompany orgasm — but too rarely does. I take such a strong stand against pornography for many reasons. I think the conditions under which a great deal of pornography (not all) is produced are exploitative to the performers involved. I think there is credible evidence that long-term pornography consumption leads to a decreased ability to empathize with others and in particular a decreased ability to connect intimately and openly with real-life sexual partners. I’ve made that case before in many posts just as Jensen makes it so cogently in this marvelous new book of his. But the central reason why I find pornography so troubling is that it deceives us into surrendering the chance for genuine joy. I am not a naive virginal adolescent writing rapturously about what he or she imagines sex to be. I am not a shame-ridden middle-aged convert either. (Okay. I’m on the cusp of genuine middle-age but that’s as far as I go.) I think sex is pretty darned dandy and I think pleasure is a fine thing. I like an orgasm as much as the next person frankly. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that pleasure that comes at the expense of another living creature or of our own humanity can never lead to joy. The deepest joy comes from pleasure + connectedness from revealing light as well as creating satisfying heat. And as strong as my libido is my longing for joy is stronger still. And that’s why I hate pornography. I wish I could print this out and hang it up in giant posters all over the city. As a teenager who is at present constantly exploring my sexuality. I can honestly say this post is absolutely definitive for me. (We have a word for it in Hebrew–mehonen; life-shaping.) I’ve been suspended in a gray area regarding this subject for a long time but I feel more confident in my opinions now. It just make so much sense. Thank you. Hugo; thank you so much. I’m uncomfortable with the idea of shutting out fantasy either of your own or aided by erotic materials. Part of the joy of intimacy for me is the meeting of two people who are separate people with separate minds and separate sexualities. And by bringing fantasy to the bed talking about it joking about it exploring what is doable and what is not you learn about yourself and your partner in ways you wouldn’t if you just shut that down and tried for this melding kind of sexuality. Fantasies change over time in this way but as long as you value fantasizing both as an individual experience and something that can be shared. I think it aids intimacy. What’s fantasy if not just another word for narrative? We are story-telling creatures; the mind slips into another way of understanding when an idea is presented in narrative than in a dry treatise. I see sexual fantasies as telling stories to yourself and to others that addresses sex the way other stories might address love or terror or joy even. Where porn bothers me is not that it is a fantasy but that most of it is variations on the same fantasy where a man imagines himself as a mini-tyrant over barely human women whose main functions are to have no will of their own and to be humiliated. When the same story you tell yourself over and over is one so dehumanizing that says something—I think Jensen’s right that the mind-numbing sameness of the story speaks more about how much women are hated in our culture than anything else. But other fantasies fantasies that tell different stories that bring possibilities to mind that expand the heart and the head as well as excite the genitals are out there and I think they have a lot of value. 90% of everything is crap but I’ve read some slash stories for instance that exposed a fun-loving view of sexuality that was quite the benefit to me. I am also uneasy with the easy dismissal of pleasure as “just” pleasure. Genuine pleasures are hard to come by—-we all know how women are denied the sense that we deserve to feel good but so do men. Men are just denied a separate set of pleasures especially in the porn version of masculinity. The pleasure of being slowly stroked of being held of being hugged and kissed of taking your time of looking in someone’s eyes hell of even caressing a breast. (I’ve found the non-touching of breasts in porn particularly telling.) Pleasure is easy to dismiss but I think that feeds the craven misery of our culture that creates the desire for these outlets. Our problem is not too much pleasure but the fear of giving ourselves permission to really sink our teeth into it. To give yourself permission to really experience pleasure is to say that you are valuable to get back in touch with yourself and to give pleasure to another is incredibly valuable in that way too. No need to rewrite it as “joy” which implies all these not necessarily true caveats about what makes pleasure real. Pleasure is easy to dismiss but I think that feeds the craven misery of our culture that creates the desire for these outlets. Our problem is not too much pleasure but the fear of giving ourselves permission to really sink our teeth into it. To give yourself permission to really experience pleasure is to say that you are valuable to get back in touch with yourself and to give pleasure to another is incredibly valuable in that way too. I think that’s fair. Amanda. And perhaps it would be better to say that the pleasures porn promises are poor inadequate substitutes for deeper richer ones of the very sort you list. And not only substitutes but obstacles. As for fantasy. I agree at least in part. Desire of any kind — whether for food or for sex or for sleep — is hard to experience without some kind of fantasy. But the substance of the fantasies does matter; what I’m rejecting (and what I think you also find troubling) is a specific set of fantasies that porn kindles. I also think those of us who advocate “light and joy” owe something to the folks who think that we’re being hopelessly vague. Ethics are great but without specifics for praxis we send folks in search of porn for guidance. So what “joy-centered” frank honest sex advice would look like is a question for me to ponder. From my perspective the very nature of intimacy means it’s almost impossible for me to suggest what might lead to or inhibit intimacy between others. When I think intimate. I think uniquely and distinctly personal. I can’t imagine general rules about it. From my perspective while porn and fantasy can be pleasurable for me they lead to an emotional dead end and the loss of a far greater good. I’ve been fortunate to have moments like Hugo described but it is futile for me to use tools like porn and fantasy to chase them. Two completely different orders of pleasure for me anyway. I can’t speak to whether porn and fantasy are essential obstacles but they can be used and are being used to reduce sexuality to a commodity–and encourage us to judge others on some level based on how well they fit our fantasies. I have always seen sexuality as an instrument of intimacy a means to a greater end and not as something worth pursuing on its own merits. That’s why I practice abstinence. Not necessarily until marriage (truth be told. I’ve lost most of my respect for marriage as an institution) but certainly until I find myself in a relationship where sex can be a tool for greater intimacy. And unlike sex-based relationships intimacy-based relationships are relationships that you have to build. You can’t just go out and pick them up as if they were pleasurable commodities. What scares me to be honest is not that people get off on porn and fantasy. That in and of itself isn’t something that concerns me very much–I think the porn industry is exploitative but most industries ultimately are and as brownfemipower so eloquently put it. What concerns me more is that the 21st-century Western ideal of what a relationship is has been built around porn and fantasy and the shallow mechanical relationships that result from that dynamic are destroying our culture and that young women (and young men for that matter) are literally killing themselves over it. We’ve had the sexual revolution; now we need a love revolution. And I don’t see one on the horizon. I read the review. Martin and it is an interesting one — except that the accusation that Jensen “cherrypicked” the most offensive porn doesn’t hold. He did pick the most popular DVD rentals and sales as reported by the adult industry. Suppose someone wrote about hip-hop and confined the discussion largely to the likes of 50 Cent the Game and Kanye West — and left out Mos Def. The Mos Def people would be complaining what about our guy? But if the mission of the article was to talk about what is most likely to be consumed it makes sense to focus on the best-sellers. Same thing with porn. I was pleased however to be lumped in in the comments section with Robert Jensen and John Stoltenberg. That was pretty darned cool. One of the many lies pornography tells is that if we aren’t feeling sexual something is wrong; low desire is medicalized and becomes a problem to be treated. Rather than asking someone the question “Why don’t you feel like having sex?” why not ask far better and more interesting questions: “Why should we have sex? What is its purpose its meaning? Why should I be expected to want it?” And the answer to these questions has to be better than “But it’s natural” or “We’re in love so we’re supposed to.” i’m a little confused by this in light of your previous writing about how you think regular sex is a crucial component of any healthy marriage. (that post generated a very interesting comment thread btw!) how does the idea dovetail with the assertion that sex is a vital part of a marriage? i don’t ask snarkily - i’m really wondering if/how that works. I don’t think. Kate. I’ve ever said “regular” sex was crucial and if I have. I was typing in haste. I do think sex matters but as I’ve said time and again eros and obligation are mortal enemies. The moment we start trying to define “regular” we get into heaps of trouble. It’s important. I think for couples to be able to talk openly and honestly about what sex means to them. They need to ask and answer the question “What does sex mean to you?” as well as the questions I pose above. Please understand that my belief that every marriage/long-term relationship “needs” an erotic component isn’t a recommendation of regular intercourse. Taking some time away from conventional intercourse to explore other ways of being sexual or even to explore non-sexual ways of feeling close and intimate can be very good - not as a cure for low desire but as an equally valid way of establishing and nurturing a bond. I recently purchased this book and was sooooo pleased to read in print many of my own feelings about what is happening in our society regarding sexuality. I think sex is probably the greatest physical gift we have to enjoy - body mind and spirit. Light is a perfect word and it can be truly transforming when two people are completely naked in all three aspects. I personally feel that people fight letting go of porn because they don’t realize the reality is there is something that is far more satisfying and fulfilling - true connection with another through our sensuality. The argument that porn is healthy is out there for me. If it is healthy then why do porn stars claim to have the least satisfying sexual relationships? Many of them report having to dissociate during sex scenes in order to make it through it. The women claim to experience pain and often get their insides torn up. When people bring up Jenna - this is laughable. All that money has not brought her a bit of happiness. Read her book and you will hear her horror stories. 90% of all prostitutes strippers and porn stars ADMIT to being sexually abused prior to getting into the industry. Not all women that are sexually abused get in the sex industry but the majority that are in have been abused. Most are addicted to drugs and alcohol if not to start with eventually just to get through their job. I challenge people (men especially) to read how these women truly feel about what is done to them in these videos. It is so easy to dismiss these women as “whores”. “sluts” and less than human but their not and most have very painful histories prior to and during their time in the sex industry. Last but not least……since when did it become healthy and acceptable to make sexual activity a spectator sport? Are we so uncreative and disconnected from our own sensual selves that we need to watch someone engaging in sex in order to access our own? Pretty sad.

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The Death of Shame

Over the past few years. Aileen and I undergo continually returned to the question of why so many young people these days be unwilling or unable to grow up. It is a challenge that has confused us especially as we look to many of the young people we know. There was a measure when young people seemed eager to change up to mature and to head out into the world to make their mark on it. Or that is how we remember it (we were after all married at 21 and parents by 23). But those people now seem to be the exception more than the rule. More and more it seems young populate (and increasingly older young people) are choosing to stay domiciliate to stay in colleges to acquire a back up or third or fourth degree. They are it seems refusing to grow up. a fascinating book by Diana West and one that seeks to answer the question of “Where have all the grown-ups gone?” The book’s subtitle is “How America’s Arrested Development is Bringing Down Western Civilization.” I speculate that says it all. West has studied this phenomenon and has determined that it is one that is going to undergo serious repercussions. The lines between child and adult are growing increasingly blurry. I hope to write a review of the book next week. One divide of the book that has caught my attention deals with the notion of “shame.” Shame is a bit of a tricky concept. I think as it seems to me to be both negative and positive. The Bible makes it clear that in their innocence before they invited sin into the world. Adam and Eve were “naked and unashamed.” Written after the fact and written at a time when populate could hardly conceive of nakedness as being anything shameful these words are clearly meant to make people think and to consider a world without shame. Shame after all in at least one of its forms is product of guilt. compel comes about as we realize our guilt or our inadequacy. Shame comes as we analyse ourselves to a better standard or even as we compare ourselves to standard (which is more often than not other people). So while it is a product of sin and a necessity only in an imperfect world it is also a enable of sorts. Shame is an aspect of God’s common grace that keeps us from expressing ourselves in ways that would otherwise result in serious consequences. But shame is becoming increasingly foreign in our culture. We hear of the way teens act these days—with 13 year old girls propositioning their male friends and dispensing sexual favors on the school bus; with men and boys alike proudly discussing just how much pornography they consume; with the sexual preferences of movie stars being discussed in the evening news; with commercials for sexual enhancers constantly playing on television. Where has shame gone? West traces the decline of shame to the death of the notion of obscenity especially in the world of art. “By the measure the courts in cause declared obscenity was dead they had killed something vital to a healthy society: the faculty of judgment that attempts to identify between what is obscene and what is not obscene—the avowedly ‘grown-up’ sensibility of an outmoded authority figure who had long relied on a proven hierarchy of taste and knowledge until it was quite suddenly leveled. From this leveling came another casualty: society’s capacity society’s willingness to alter change surface basic distinctions between trash and art.” This has led to all manner of offensive vulgar art being paraded in front of us even if that art is just plain bad. The question is not as it should be. “is it good art?” Rather populate simply cry “censorship” and allow anything to be displayed no be how vulgar no matter how devoid of artistic merit. We can no longer distinguish between trash and art. Exempting art from censorship laws effectively concluding that there is no such thing as obscenity has had consequences. “Once the law balked at recognizing obscenity the populace began to doubt the very basis for compel. With no legal institutional support for consensus little wonder the bottom cut out from under morality.” As obscenity became a thing of the past so too did it’s necessary consequence: shame. compel is increasingly missing from our culture. We do things check things enjoy things act in things that at any other measure and in any other place would be considered shameful. Politicians show little remorse little shame when their dirty sexual deeds are exposed. Parents play with children acting like children. “Shamelessness sheds lighten on why it is that American matrons are more likely to host sex-toy parties than Tupperware parties; why the Major Leagues showcase Viagra ads at home coat; why a presidential fund-raiser for GOP candidates includes a well-endowing—that is. —porn star and pornographer; and why at grocery store checkouts shoppers can analyse out “hot sex tips” along with a idle of bread. We undergo all learned—or at least we undergo all been taught—that the mental blush is superceded by the genital tingle.” The paradox is something Christians know well. “Less restraint doesn’t necessarily deliver greater freedom.” It should be not surprising that the “land of the free” is also the land with more laws than just about any other nation in the world. With rules comes freedom—not with a lack of restraint. Humans being what we are we rely on rules to act us acting within the bounds of morality and within the bounds of shame. When these rules are tossed out and when compel disappears so too does our willingness to restrain ourselves. With no concept of obscenity there is no shame; with no compel anything goes. “In a shameless culture…self restraint is continually undermined.” “By the twenty-first century shame and embarrassment have zero association with sexuality—or so we are endlessly numbingly instructed—and correspondingly an infantile lack of behavioral restraint may be observed in everything from freak dancing to ‘super-size’ eating to McMansion-building. Without the concept of obscenity without reason for shame the ‘self’ in self-control sees no greater larger socially significant inform in holding back.” What has happened to compel? Well it appears that shame has been put to death. “Culturally speaking obscenity is all but legally obsolete and compel is a kind of secular sin—a symptom of ‘hang-ups,’ of repression of inhibition of liberty lost.” What a timely blog. Thank you for this great reminder to always be on the look out even more watchful than normal of the world creeping in and choking out the Word of God. I was on my wifes blog and this verse was very timely regarding this issue: 11When I was a child. I talked like a child. I thought desire a child. I reasoned like a child. When I became a man. I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see approach to approach. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully even as I am fully known. I Cor. 13:11-12 Also I just got through listening to the free audio book on the life of Brainerd. What a comparison to make he died at 29 years old but was so impassioned about the Kingdom of God that his life is a living testament to what God can do with a life full of shame for not glorifying God more. I love John Piper’s comment in “Don’t Waste Your Life.” He says that “the world is not impressed when Christians get rich and say thanks to God. They are impressed when God is so satisfying that we furnish our riches away for Christ’s sake and count it gain.” move of the reason even Christians have lost our comprehend of compel is because we’ve bought into this world’s mantra that we should “get all we can can all we get and sit on the can”. I see how Christians have allowed themselves to be over-influenced: for example. I experience many Christian young women that would list Sex and the City as one of their favorite TV shows (they would say it’s innocent fun and not harmful. I would disagree). The show glamorizes a lifestyle of affluence and impropriety in a way that makes the two mutually-inclusive. And it’s a fun conceive of for younger women to imagine a social life in a big city end with cocktail parties meeting new populate shopping etc. But this is where the danger is. We may not think this but I believe that our rapid consumerism leads us to do by shame. The marketers tell us the things we “need” in request to have pleasure; we make moral concessions in order to fuel our pleasures; we become infantile in our way of thinking (“mommy. I be this nooowwwww…”); we alter entertainment our highest priority; we then suffer cerebrate on God. And so we begin to confirm our self-pleasing way of life and the pleasurable shameful thing pushes God from the conceive of…and we cater. Having things or having pleasure are not bad in and of themselves. It’s just a matter of what is your source of pleasure and how much you let it influence your life. The world tells us to cater the Bible tells us to furnish to others out of your abundance. Don’t be ashamed that we don’t fit the world’s mold because otherwise that will be the This reminds me of a (futile) conversation I had with a (postmodern) youth pastor about trying to protect the innocence of the students under our care. He couldn’t be to cover his mind around the concept. His reasoning was that the opposite of “innocence” is “guilt” and unless they are doing something to create the kids to sin it should not be off limits. I think this shows an ignorance of the meaning of “innocence” (or at least a very narrow definition). One definition according to Random House Dictionary is “having or showing the simplicity or naiveté of an unworldly person; guileless; ingenuous.” It’s not simply an absence of sinful behavior but a total mindset. And. I think a very biblical one at that: “For your obedience is known to all so that I experience over you but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil” (Romans 16:19 ESV). I think that there is an inextricable cerebrate between lack of innocence and lack of shame. Satan tempted Eve with the possibility of her innocent eyes being opened and “knowing good and evil.” After this came the shame. Our society makes it nearly impossible to protect the innocence of our kids. Our family loves sports and having teen boys in the house it makes it very challenging to check sports on TV - between the smutty commercials and the soft-core porn halftime shows. I caught my 13 year old singing the Viva-viagra song yesterday!! ACH!!! (say: what a creepy bunch of guys in that commercial - I conclude sorry for their wives after these guys have been getting all whipped into a frenzy at a viagra song-fest/party or whatever that was…ewww!!) BTW did anyone surprise the halftime show during the Dallas/Jets game on Thanksgiving? It featured Kelly Clarkson and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders in all their half-dressed hoochie-ness - nothing you wouldn’t expect for an NFL halftime show. But they were promoting the SALVATION ARMY!!! There were HUGE SA signs on either side of the stage - apparently Clarkson is a spokesperson for the organization and they were raising money for the cause. I was shocked that they would accept their label to be used with such a sleezy dance show! Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No they have no compel at all; they do not even know how to blush. So they will fall among the fallen; they will be brought drink when I punish them,” says the LORD. (Jer 6:15; 8:12). As you probably recall. David Wells. Losing Our Virtue has an insightful chapter (The Bonfire of the Self) that deals with shame and guilt in a post-modern world: “The exact nature of guilt and shame and their distinctions one from another are hard to pin down. However the difference I ordain be working with isthat guilt is normally the emotional response to our violation of a moral norm and shame is our disappointment with ourselves that we are not other than what we are (Wells summon 130).” There can be no comprehend of shame without belief in a God to whom everyone is accountable. Western society is now two steps removed from this belief - modernism did away with God while holding to ‘Christian’ morality; postmodernism asked the question. “Why be moral at all?” and open no answer because it has no compose to God. Nietzsche prophesied this: “When one gives up Christian belief one thereby deprives oneself of the right to Christian morality. For the latter is absolutely not self-evident: one must make this point alter again and again in spite of the English shallowpates. Christianity is a system a consistently thought out and complete view of things. If one breaks out of the fundamental idea the belief in God one thereby breaks the whole thing to pieces: one has nothing of any consequence left in one’s hands.” There is nothing self-evident about Christian morality to our generation - we undergo become Nietzsche-esque (probably even more so here in the UK than for you in the US). If we are to dress behaviour we be to start again from the ground up and rebuild those foundations that have been demolished.

Britney Spears Makes a 4 Hour Sex Tape?!

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The Death of Shame

Over the past few years. Aileen and I undergo continually returned to the question of why so many young people these days be unwilling or unable to change up. It is a challenge that has confused us especially as we look to many of the young people we know. There was a time when young people seemed eager to grow up to mature and to head out into the world to alter their mark on it. Or that is how we remember it (we were after all married at 21 and parents by 23). But those people now seem to be the exception more than the rule. More and more it seems young populate (and increasingly older young people) are choosing to stay home to stay in colleges to earn a second or third or fourth degree. They are it seems refusing to grow up. a fascinating book by Diana West and one that seeks to answer the challenge of “Where undergo all the grown-ups gone?” The book’s subtitle is “How America’s Arrested Development is Bringing Down Western Civilization.” I suppose that says it all. West has studied this phenomenon and has determined that it is one that is going to have serious repercussions. The lines between child and adult are growing increasingly blurry. I hope to write a review of the schedule next week. One section of the book that has caught my attention deals with the notion of “compel.” Shame is a bit of a tricky concept. I think as it seems to me to be both contradict and positive. The Bible makes it clear that in their innocence before they invited sin into the world. Adam and Eve were “naked and unashamed.” Written after the fact and written at a time when people could hardly conceive of nakedness as being anything shameful these words are clearly meant to make people think and to consider a world without compel. compel after all in at least one of its forms is product of guilt. Shame comes about as we cognise our guilt or our inadequacy. Shame comes as we compare ourselves to a better standard or change surface as we compare ourselves to standard (which is more often than not other populate). So while it is a product of sin and a necessity only in an imperfect world it is also a gift of sorts. Shame is an aspect of God’s common grace that keeps us from expressing ourselves in ways that would otherwise prove in serious consequences. But shame is becoming increasingly foreign in our culture. We hear of the way teens act these days—with 13 year old girls propositioning their male friends and dispensing sexual favors on the educate bus; with men and boys alike proudly discussing just how much pornography they eat; with the sexual preferences of movie stars being discussed in the evening news; with commercials for sexual enhancers constantly playing on television. Where has shame gone? West traces the change state of shame to the death of the notion of obscenity especially in the world of art. “By the time the courts in cause declared obscenity was dead they had killed something vital to a healthy society: the faculty of judgment that attempts to distinguish between what is obscene and what is not obscene—the avowedly ‘grown-up’ sensibility of an outmoded authority evaluate who had long relied on a proven hierarchy of taste and knowledge until it was quite suddenly leveled. From this leveling came another casualty: society’s capacity society’s willingness to make even basic distinctions between cast aside and art.” This has led to all manner of offensive vulgar art being paraded in front of us change surface if that art is just plain bad. The question is not as it should be. “is it good art?” Rather populate simply cry “censorship” and accept anything to be displayed no matter how vulgar no matter how devoid of artistic merit. We can no longer distinguish between trash and art. Exempting art from censorship laws effectively concluding that there is no such thing as obscenity has had consequences. “Once the law balked at recognizing obscenity the populace began to doubt the very basis for shame. With no legal institutional support for consensus little wonder the furnish cut out from under morality.” As obscenity became a thing of the past so too did it’s necessary consequence: shame. compel is increasingly missing from our culture. We do things check things enjoy things participate in things that at any other time and in any other place would be considered shameful. Politicians show little remorse little compel when their dirty sexual deeds are exposed. Parents cavort with children acting like children. “Shamelessness sheds light on why it is that American matrons are more likely to host sex-toy parties than Tupperware parties; why the study Leagues showcase Viagra ads at home coat; why a presidential fund-raiser for GOP candidates includes a well-endowing—that is. —porn star and pornographer; and why at grocery store checkouts shoppers can check out “hot sex tips” along with a loaf of bread. We have all learned—or at least we have all been taught—that the mental blush is superceded by the genital tingle.” The paradox is something Christians know well. “Less restraint doesn’t necessarily mouth greater freedom.” It should be not surprising that the “land of the free” is also the land with more laws than just about any other nation in the world. With rules comes freedom—not with a lack of restraint. Humans being what we are we rely on rules to keep us acting within the bounds of morality and within the bounds of compel. When these rules are tossed out and when shame disappears so too does our willingness to bottle up ourselves. With no concept of obscenity there is no shame; with no compel anything goes. “In a shameless culture…self restraint is continually undermined.” “By the twenty-first century shame and embarrassment have adjust association with sexuality—or so we are endlessly numbingly instructed—and correspondingly an infantile lack of behavioral restraint may be observed in everything from freak dancing to ‘super-size’ eating to McMansion-building. Without the concept of obscenity without reason for shame the ‘self’ in self-control sees no greater larger socially significant point in holding back.” What has happened to compel? come up it appears that shame has been put to death. “Culturally speaking obscenity is all but legally obsolete and compel is a kind of secular sin—a symptom of ‘hang-ups,’ of repression of inhibition of liberty lost.” What a timely communicate. Thank you for this great reminder to always be on the look out even more watchful than normal of the world creeping in and choking out the Word of God. I was on my wifes blog and this compose was very timely regarding this issue: 11When I was a child. I talked like a child. I thought like a child. I reasoned like a child. When I became a man. I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I experience in move; then I shall experience fully change surface as I am fully known. I Cor. 13:11-12 Also I just got through listening to the remove audio book on the life of Brainerd. What a comparison to make he died at 29 years old but was so impassioned about the Kingdom of God that his life is a living testament to what God can do with a life full of shame for not glorifying God more. I love John Piper’s mention in “Don’t Waste Your Life.” He says that “the world is not impressed when Christians get rich and say thanks to God. They are impressed when God is so satisfying that we give our riches away for Christ’s sake and ascertain it gain.” Part of the reason change surface Christians have lost our comprehend of shame is because we’ve bought into this world’s mantra that we should “get all we can can all we get and sit on the can”. I see how Christians have allowed themselves to be over-influenced: for example. I know many Christian young women that would enumerate Sex and the City as one of their favorite TV shows (they would say it’s innocent fun and not harmful. I would disagree). The show glamorizes a lifestyle of affluence and impropriety in a way that makes the two mutually-inclusive. And it’s a fun fantasy for younger women to create by mental act a social life in a big city complete with cocktail parties meeting new people shopping etc. But this is where the danger is. We may not evaluate this but I believe that our rapid consumerism leads us to ignore compel. The marketers tell us the things we “be” in order to have pleasure; we make moral concessions in order to fuel our pleasures; we change state infantile in our way of thinking (“mommy. I want this nooowwwww…”); we make entertainment our highest priority; we then lose cerebrate on God. And so we begin to justify our self-pleasing way of life and the pleasurable shameful thing pushes God from the picture…and we indulge. Having things or having pleasure are not bad in and of themselves. It’s just a matter of what is your source of pleasure and how much you let it affect your life. The world tells us to indulge the Bible tells us to furnish to others out of your abundance. Don’t be ashamed that we don’t fit the world’s forge because otherwise that will be the This reminds me of a (futile) conversation I had with a (postmodern) youth pastor about trying to protect the innocence of the students under our care. He couldn’t seem to wrap his object around the concept. His reasoning was that the opposite of “innocence” is “guilt” and unless they are doing something to create the kids to sin it should not be off limits. I think this shows an ignorance of the meaning of “innocence” (or at least a very change definition). One definition according to Random House Dictionary is “having or showing the simplicity or naiveté of an unworldly person; guileless; ingenuous.” It’s not simply an absence of sinful behavior but a be mindset. And. I think a very biblical one at that: “For your obedience is known to all so that I experience over you but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil” (Romans 16:19 ESV). I think that there is an inextricable link between lack of innocence and lack of compel. Satan tempted Eve with the possibility of her innocent eyes being opened and “knowing good and evil.” After this came the shame. Our society makes it nearly impossible to defend the innocence of our kids. Our family loves sports and having teen boys in the accommodate it makes it very challenging to check sports on TV - between the smutty commercials and the soft-core porn halftime shows. I caught my 13 year old singing the Viva-viagra song yesterday!! ACH!!! (note: what a creepy clump of guys in that commercial - I feel sorry for their wives after these guys have been getting all whipped into a frenzy at a viagra song-fest/party or whatever that was…ewww!!) BTW did anyone catch the halftime show during the Dallas/Jets game on Thanksgiving? It featured Kelly Clarkson and the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders in all their half-dressed hoochie-ness - nothing you wouldn’t expect for an NFL halftime show. But they were promoting the SALVATION ARMY!!! There were HUGE SA signs on either side of the stage - apparently Clarkson is a spokesperson for the organization and they were raising money for the create. I was shocked that they would allow their name to be used with such a sleezy dance show! Are they ashamed of their loathsome conduct? No they undergo no compel at all; they do not change surface know how to blush. So they will fall among the fallen; they will be brought drink when I punish them,” says the LORD. (Jer 6:15; 8:12). As you probably denote. David Wells. Losing Our Virtue has an insightful chapter (The Bonfire of the Self) that deals with shame and guilt in a post-modern world: “The claim nature of guilt and shame and their distinctions one from another are hard to pin drink. However the difference I will be working with isthat guilt is normally the emotional response to our violation of a moral norm and shame is our disappointment with ourselves that we are not other than what we are (Wells page 130).” There can be no comprehend of shame without belief in a God to whom everyone is accountable. Western society is now two steps removed from this belief - modernism did away with God while holding to ‘Christian’ morality; postmodernism asked the question. “Why be moral at all?” and open no answer because it has no compose to God. Nietzsche prophesied this: “When one gives up Christian belief one thereby deprives oneself of the right to Christian morality. For the latter is absolutely not self-evident: one must alter this point clear again and again in spite of the English shallowpates. Christianity is a system a consistently thought out and complete view of things. If one breaks out of the fundamental idea the belief in God one thereby breaks the whole thing to pieces: one has nothing of any consequence left in one’s hands.” There is nothing self-evident about Christian morality to our generation - we have become Nietzsche-esque (probably change surface more so here in the UK than for you in the US). If we are to dress behaviour we need to start again from the ground up and rebuild those foundations that undergo been demolished.

Britney Spears Makes a 4 Hour Sex Tape?!

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Hot 'Sex Teacher' Debbie Lafave in Trouble...Again

Though she may undergo gotten off the hook easy after scrogging one of her students. Lafave is in affect yet again. She's in trouble for talking to a 16-year-old girl. She's.. in affect.. for talking.. to a 16-year-old.. girl. "She's.. in affect.. for talking.. to a 16-year-old.. girl." .. who.. she.. worked.. with.. even. WTF!? man thats fucked up. 14? how does he even have a big enough cock to satisfy that sexy bitch If you remember alter the 14 year old kid actually fucking TURNED HER IN. You communicate about MORON. I wrote an bind for the paper about this a while back. Check it out. http://media www westerncourier com/media/storage/paper650/new s/2005/11/30/Opinion/Heres. To. You. Mrs. Lafave-1116304 shtml "This is going to sound like a double standard but I'll say it anyway: if it was a 14-year-old girl and a 24-year-old man it would be completely different. That would be wrong." This whole situation is ridiculous. Men and women are NOT physically the same. So why are they treated the same for 'physical' offenses in act? Every 14 year old kid is pumped beat of bubbling hormones & testosterone and is perfectly able (physically and mentally) to undergo sex. This system allows you to use html-like tags in replacement of HTML. These tags are easier to use and are widely supported on messageboard systems. var oText = enter getElementById("ctl04_ctl05_ID_ANIMATE");var oContainer = document getElementById("ID_ANIMATION");var nHeight = oText offsetHeight;var nPos = oContainer offsetHeight;var bScrolling = true;// --function OnScrollerMouseOver(){ bScrolling = false;}function OnScrollerMouseOut(){ bScrolling = true;}function RoundNews(){ if(!bScrolling) return; oText call top = nPos toString() + "px"; if(--nPos

Britney Spears Makes a 4 Hour Sex Tape?!

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Wrong, Wrong, Wrong

Readership. I found this yesterday on 's page so those of you who undergo been to her site might find this a bit extraneous. I wanted to add my own two cents. Apparently the fine folks at WalMart want our young teenage girls to never drop this. This is wrong on so many levels. I don't experience where to begin. This would be not nearly as offensive on a t-shirt or a wallet but on a unify of panties clearly designed for TWELVE TO SIXTEEN YEAR OLD GIRLS this suggests something absolutely appalling. It's comfort wrong no matter how old the women in challenge happen to be. The age thing just adds an even more sinister advance to it. Nothing like the suggestion of underage girls selling their intimate areas for cash but certainly not plastic. construe more. I discussed this with a friend of mine who lives in Australia. She wrote this in response. I have a hard time finding decent clothes for my seven year old girl she's seven! She does not need midriff baring tops tops with slogans on them skirts that are ridiculously bunco not just short skirts but RIDICULOUSLY short. Items promoting all sorts of fucked up shit. I get so mad about this. But then again no one said WalMart had good comprehend. This shirt was recently featured on the racks as well. What's next? "Some say it's rape. I call it hot sex"? Or: "Some call it domestic violence. I say I'm just teaching her a lesson"?While you're there you can also pick up my personal favorite. Bratz dolls. These are some of the tamer variety. I wasn't able to sight the ones that look desire 100% harlot. Not that the name itself isn't appalling enough. These dolls clearly designed for the tween early teen set feature short midriff revealing clothing globs of makeup and apparently gratify in looking like borderline prostitutes. What a great example for impressionable young girls to aspire to be! Don't worry about being reasonable or unselfish girls because remember it's all about you and how good you look in front of the boys!Let's not also forget the thong for Preteen girls. This item speaks for itself. Random Factoid: 90% of all people shop at WalMart. Comrade Kevin is glad to be in the 10% who don't. I am also part of that 10% who does not shop at Walmart. I used to but after seeing the fucked up shit that they have and the fact that when I was a one-on-one attendant for a young man in high school who got a job at Walmart and saw their training practices and videos they subjected employees to. I quit shopping there. "I am not a Labor Leader; I do.

Britney Spears Makes a 4 Hour Sex Tape?!

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